I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it in the Holy Spirit— I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race, the people of Israel.
I read this and the first thought that comes to my mind and heart is "huh." Yes, "huh."
The concept of having unceasing (aka never ending, constantly present, FOREVER) anguish (this is not a "I just stubbed my toe and it really hurts" feeling, this is the the overwhelming, can't stop thinking about it, can't even breathe pain that we as humans have most likely only experienced a handful of times in our lives, such as a time of loss of one we hold dear) for those around us who don't know Christ is something I struggle to comprehend.
I like to pride myself that my heart aches for the lost but really, I am so selfish. I am so far from the above mentioned reality. At times, I won't even speak up and boldly proclaim Jesus to those around me dying and going to a very real hell because I'm fearful of others' opinion of me. Seriously. It's true.
Then there's Paul. Paul not only had anguish...he had radical anguish. God had granted him the knowledge of eternal life in heaven. He was so broken over the real eternal destiny of those around him that he was willing to suffer FOREVER in hell (the place of unfathomable torment and eternal separation from Jesus Christ) that others might not. The condition of those in hell is described in Revelation 14:11, "The smoke of their torment goes up forever and ever, and they have no rest, day or night." Paul lived out of a brokenness for the lost that was willing to choose this eternal destiny so that others might not have to suffer it.
That is love.
He loved Jesus so much he couldn't help but RADICALLY long for others to have the same relationship he experienced.
That is a grace and passion I am so far from even comprehending, much less living out, but one I hope to strive for until the day I die.
As a famous atheist once said (paraphrasing), "I don't mind those people who try to proselytize me, even though I don't believe their message. It's those who don't that bother me. How much do you have to hate a person to have what you believe to be the knowledge of eternal life and refuse to share it with them?"
Truth from the mouth of an atheist.
I can honestly say that I don't even comprehend Paul's selfless love. I'm not going to put on a holy show and pretend anything otherwise. At this point, the idea of going to hell for the sake of the lost is not an idea I could act upon.
Paul was willing to do so.
Jesus paid it all to pave the way for me and my brothers in this world to have a relationship with God. He died. He rose.
By the utter beauty of the grace I've been bestowed, I understand that I will never have to weigh the option of sacrificing my eternity for the sake of a lost and dying world. The price has been paid and it is sufficient for everyone. However, Paul's example still resonates with so much truth.
I must stop being so selfish. The price has been paid yet sooo many do not know it because my selfish life so often refuses to proclaim it verbally or by the example of my actions. While I may still say "huh" at the degree of holy anguish Paul described, I think it's about time I start opening my heart to the eternal plight of my brothers around me and letting some degree of holy anguish characterize my life.
What about you? Are you willing?
Let us not hate our brothers by hoarding the message of our Lord but may we seek to radically love in the example the apostle Paul set but really, more than him, in the extravagant example of Jesus.
Let anguish, no matter how uncomfortable, dwell with you.
Do not hate by hoarding.
Love Jesus by proclaiming Him.
Katie
1 comment:
OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!! Talk about conviction! Thank you so much for posting this, I really needed to hear (read) this....it's easy to raise holy hands, but to walk it? You have shown me how far I have to go. Thanks for shaking me out of my complacency.
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